Dear Reader,

I suppose you could say I’ve taken a bit of a break from blogging. There have been a lot of changes in my life over the past few years, and while there were many things I could have written about, I think I needed time to process everything first.

Writing has always been one of the main ways I process life, but I usually don’t want to share things immediately. It often takes me a while to sort through what I’m thinking and feeling and make sense of it all.

When I started this blog, my two main goals were:
(1) to respond directly to rumors that were being spread about me, and
(2) to have a voice in conversations about issues that are deeply personal to me — things I’ve experienced, witnessed, and care strongly about.

Though my goals have not changed, they have expanded as my life has changed, so expect to see more variety in what I write about.

Writing is healing for me. It allows me to get my thoughts out more clearly in a way that feels safe. I love that I get to set the pace without any pressure when I write. Beyond that, I don’t really have any specific expectations for this blog other than continuing my small part in conversations that I believe matter and need to continue. I know my voice alone probably won’t make a huge difference, and that’s OK. I still want to try.

I was honestly surprised and encouraged by the kindness I received in response to my previous posts, so thank you to everyone who supported and encouraged me.

Over the past few years, I’ve also been taking a step back and questioning a lot of what I’ve been taught. I guess you could call it “deconstructing,” though probably not in the way the term is commonly used. I’m still a Christian. I still love God. And even though I have many questions and things I don’t yet understand, I do trust Jesus and I believe that he is good.

A big part of this season has been an ongoing journey of learning to separate the real Jesus from some of the distorted or unhealthy views of Jesus that I developed or was taught throughout my life. I’ve spent a lot of time studying theology and exploring different perspectives, but I’ve also been careful about speaking too confidently on those subjects publicly because I know I’m still learning. My views will probably continue to grow and change as I learn, experience more, and hopefully gain wisdom.

So before I dive into any of those topics, I want to say upfront that I am not an expert. Anything I write about here reflects where I’m at currently, and some of it may change over time. I want to be free to share honestly without feeling like every thought I express has to become a permanent position I can never grow from. So if I stick with this blog, expect to see my worldview and understanding of theology continue to change.

At least for now, this blog will probably look a lot like me sharing where I’m at along the journey — kind of like a journal, just a little less rambly than my actual journals are (lol).

Another reason I haven’t written much is because I often feel like what I have to say may not be interesting enough to share, and I worry about boring people with my ramblings. But honestly, that’s probably something I just need to get over. I’ll write what’s on my heart, and people can decide for themselves whether they want to read it or not.

The first thing I want to share is a little life update: I’m now a wife and mama!

Being a wife and mother has been more meaningful and fulfilling to me than I can fully put into words. Honestly, I never expected this part of my life to happen. After a brief and very abusive marriage that ended in divorce when I was very young, I had completely let go of those childhood dreams of marriage and motherhood. I embraced the single life and genuinely enjoyed it, but I also believed that what I wanted most just wasn’t meant for me because of my messed up past.

In 2023, a doctor told me that because of a severe infection and significant scarring in my reproductive system, there was about a 50% chance I wouldn’t be able to have children. By that point, I had already accepted that I would likely never have a baby, so I made peace with it because I thought I had to.

Fast forward to the present. Now, looking at my husband and our precious little boy, I still sometimes can’t fully believe this is my life. I am so thankful for the good gifts and healing that God has given me, and I don’t take any of it for granted.

That’s all for now. Stay tuned for future posts where I plan to share more about the joys and sorrows of my life. I hope you will find encouragement in the authenticity of my story as it continues to unfold.

Bye for now!

~ K