Gossip. What is it? What is it not? I have heard different answers to this question, and for years I have wrestled with how to apply them to my own personal situations. One of the most common definitions I’ve heard is the “problem or solution” definition of gossip. In the 1970s, Bill Gothard, disgraced founder of the Institute of Basic Life Principles and Advanced Training Institute, defined gossip as “sharing detrimental information with those who are not a part of the problem or a part of the solution.” This definition of gossip has become very widespread in Western Church culture, and has even spread beyond the Christian community, as seen in an article by Forbes that uses the same definition. The problem with this definition is that it does not come from the Bible.

Over time, it began to feel as though the accusation of “gossip” was being used in some situations to keep me quiet and unable to deal with sins that were being done against me. My concerns finally lead me to begin spending time studying what God’s Word says and does not say about the topic of gossip. I would like to share my new perspective.

To start, let me give you the definition found in Webster’s 1828 Dictionary. It says, “One who runs from house to house tattling and telling news. An idle tattler.”

In the Bible, there are many words that are used to describe what we commonly refer to as gossip. Some of the words that are translated from Hebrew and Greek into English are: talebearer, whisperer, backbiter, scandalmonger, meddler, idle tattler, and busybody. Throughout the Bible, gossip is consistently described as someone who idly and pointless goes from house to house with the intention of needlessly spreading rumors and tales. A balanced view of Scripture shows us that true gossip, as defined in Scripture, has a lot more to do with the motive of the heart than it does with the sharing of information. Why is the person sharing information? Are they truly seeking help to solve a problem? Or are they pointlessly and idly sharing unnecessary information that is not theirs to share, or with the motive of tearing another person down?

Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22 – The words of a gossip [talebearer] are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.

1 Timothy 5:13 – At the same time also, they learn to be idle, going about the houses; and not only idle, but also tattlers and busybodies, speaking the things they ought not.

Proverbs 20:19 – A gossip [talebearer; scandalmonger] betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.

In a previous post, I publicly shared my own personal story of abuse. So, is that gossip? According to the “problem or solution” definition of gossip, it would be. The abusers I referred to in my story would definitely say it is, and those trying to protect my abusers would agree. That is because abusers and enablers often use the accusation of “gossip” as a weapon to silence their victims. In her book, Untwisting Scripture (book 3), Rebecca Davis says, “The accusation of gossip is often used as an invisible muzzle on the mouths of Jesus followers when they have to talk about bad things others have done.” By sharing my story, I talked about bad things others have done to me. So, wouldn’t talking to others about sins committed against me be defined as gossip? Let’s keep digging.

When I first heard the “problem or solution” definition of gossip, I accepted it without question. It seemed to make sense in theory, but I often found it very confusing and difficult to apply it to the various complicated situations I was facing. How could I be sure a particular person was the right one to tell… the one who was supposed to be part of the solution? I wouldn’t know until I shared, and what if I told the wrong person? Didn’t the person I was sharing the situation with become part of the solution because I was telling them? That was what I was hoping for at least when I attempted to talk to people about problems. It felt like I was tossing a coin and hoping for the best… would I find help? Or would I be accused of gossip? I was often frustrated and confused. It seemed that even the people in authority over me didn’t all agree on what gossip was depending on their proximity to the problem.

I often felt that the accusation of “gossip” was used to keep me and others silenced regarding mistreatment and sin against us, especially if our complaint was against those in leadership positions. It felt that those in authority over me got the final say over whether or not something was gossip depending on whether or not they wanted to hear it. It was clear that if I was being mistreated by those in leadership, there was nowhere to turn because no matter how I attempted to get help addressing the situation, it would be called gossip. The definition was inconsistent and seemed very subjective and easily “twistable” by those with a self-seeking agenda.

On many occasions I was left scratching my head, trying to understand what made it sometimes OK to talk about problems while other times it was called gossip. The definition given never quite made sense to me and seemed to be up to the discretion of those in authority over me. Eventually, I decided I needed to find a more stable definition, so I looked where I should have looked all along: God’s Word. What does the Bible actually say about gossip?

It is very clear in Scripture that a person’s motive has much to do with whether or not their words are gossip. Are they truly seeking help to solve a problem? Or are they pointlessly and idly sharing unnecessary information that is not theirs to share or with the motive of tearing others down? All throughout the New Testament, Paul and other apostles call Believers to live in unity with one another. Not a false unity that comes from hiding what is hard or sinful (Ephesians 5:11), but rather true unity that comes from living in the light and humbly allowing ourselves to be examined and to openly confess our sins to one another while seeking to live in total honesty, integrity, and humility. True unity comes from knowing that we all share the same need for a Savior. 

Why, then, do so many Christians buy into this twisted, unbiblical definition of gossip and perpetuate the narrative they are fed by leadership? Sadly, we see this all too often, especially in cases of abuse and mistreatment. According to Rebecca Davis, there are three reasons Christians are so quick to accuse others of gossip when it comes to abuse:

1. They feel uncomfortable
2. They are afraid
3. They are protecting evildoers

From the same source, here are four situations in which people may be accused of gossip when they are not gossiping:

1. When they need help, for themselves or someone else
2. When they are warning about an unsafe/untrustworthy person or environment
3. When they are teaching and explaining about right and wrong
4. When they need to process a traumatic experience and receive validation that it was not their fault

It has become clear to me that the term “gossip” often has a double standard. In Untwisting Scripture (book 3), Rebecca Davis says, “Though the no-gossip rule is presented as a policy to prevent anyone in the church from speaking evil of others, we have seen that in practice it is about keeping the oppressed from ‘speaking evil’ of their oppressors. When someone in a position of power or perceived power is actually committing evil, the one on whom the evil is perpetrated cannot speak out of fear of ‘gossip’ and has nowhere to turn.” Sadly, this is exactly what I have experienced, witnessed, and even misguidedly perpetuated throughout my life, and only recently have I begun to make the important distinction between true gossip, as defined in Scripture, and the sinful human tendency to twist the Word of God in order to accomplish self-motivated purposes. We must be able to distinguish the difference. If we fail to do this, we are also guilty of perpetuating and enabling abuse. 

Ephesians 5:11 – Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.

Proverbs 31:8-9 – Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.

Isaiah 1:17 – Learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.

We are each responsible to stand up against sinful mistreatment and abuse, even if human authority says otherwise. God is our ultimate authority.

So what should our response be when we see those in authority using the accusation of gossip to silence and oppress the vulnerable? As we examine Paul’s instructions to the church, we see the consistent themes of calling out sin within the congregation (1 Tim. 5:20 / 1 Cor. 5:12 / Gal. 6:1 / Titus 3:10 / 1 Cor. 5:1-13 / Gal. 2:11-14), holding leaders to high standards of righteousness, (Titus 1 / 1 Tim. 3 / 1 Pet 5), and the calling of every Christian to defend those who are weak, oppressed, and forgotten (Ja 1:27). It is clear all throughout Scripture that God desires that His Church represent Him well by defending those who are weak, vulnerable, and mistreated.

The comfortable American church has gotten so used to defining any discussion of difficult issues or sin as “gossip,” and yet the common American definition doesn’t seem to really originate in Scripture, nor is it the traditional view of the church. So what is wrong with the “problem or solution” definition of gossip? The truth is, any of us who listens to a problem can choose to either be a part of the problem, by ignoring it, or part of the solution by helping, supporting, defending, encouraging, or rebuking according to the specific need of the situation.

To accuse someone of gossip who is trying to get help for mistreatment or abuse is similar to when the Pharisees spoke out against Jesus for healing a man with a withered hand on the sabbath. Jesus’ heart to help the hurting went against the Pharisees’ self-written rules. As Believers, our job is to follow Jesus’ example even if it goes against human thinking or human rules. Doing so is not sin. In fact, it reflects the very heart of our Lord, who reached out to help us when we could not help ourselves.

***Important Caveat*** Is it possible to not gossip, but to still sin with our speech? Yes! Just because something is not gossip, does not automatically make it right to say. We need to look at ALL of Scripture when deciding what we should or should not say. Some additional questions to ask ourselves: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it loving and edifying? For further study, see James 3:1-12, Proverbs 21:23, Matthew 15:11, Proverbs 10:18-21, Matthew 12:36-37, and Ephesians 4:29.

To anyone reading this, I encourage you to take the time to truly study the Bible for yourself and come to your own conclusion regarding this important and often misunderstood topic. God holds each of us responsible for our own actions and choices. He has given us His Word in order for us to know how we ought to live, and we are responsible to learn and obey it.

~ K.

Psalm 119:11-16

With my whole heart I seek you;

let me not wander from your commandments!

I have stored up your word in my heart,

that I might not sin against you.

Blessed are you, O Lord; teach me your statutes!

With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth.

In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches.

I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways.

I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word.